What it’s really like being bald as a young woman

July 28, 2021

Your hair does not define your worth. You are so much more than your hair!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE SEXY, YOU ARE A BADASS, AND YOU ARE SO STRONG!

When you look in the mirror the first few times after losing your hair, you won’t recognize the person looking back at you, but I promise that you will slowly begin to recognize yourself again.

Losing all of my hair at the age of 22 was not something that I ever imagined I would have to face. Honestly, I never imagined that I would EVER have to see myself bald at any point in my life. But with lifesaving treatment also came loss and, in my case, and in the case of most cancer patients, a part of that loss meant saying good bye to our hair.

For me, watching my hair fall out was actually harder than shaving my head. When my hair began falling out, I would notice my long blonde locks EVERYWHERE. It would be all over my clothes, my pillows, the bathroom floors & sinks. Between the time when I first noticed that hair fall and the day I shaved my head, there was about 6 days that I was walking around like a shedding machine. I have this brief memory of walking into a mall on a very windy day and I just stopped in the parking lot to let the wind blowoff some of my loose hairs before going inside… The hair fall got to the point where I would carry a lint roller in my purse just so I could get all of my hair off of me throughout the day. 

So when I finally decided that it was time to say goodbye to my hair, I was relieved. Relieved to not feel like a giant cat shedding absolutely everywhere.

To my surprise, I didn’t cry. I actually liked the way that I looked without my hair. I was even told that my head is a cute shape(probably one of the most interesting compliments that I have ever received). 

But losing such a big part of who you are unexpectedly is not easy. Once all of the craziness of wig shopping and head shaving settled, I found it hard to recognize the girl I saw in the mirror.

I knew it would be hard. I knew that I would struggle with self-image. I knew that I would be terrified of others seeing me.

To be honest, it was hard on me emotionally. You don’t realize how much your hair means to you until you lose it. But I found that it came in waves. One week I would love being bald (there are actually many perks to it, I talk about them a little later!) and the next week I would cry every time a girl with hair popped up on my Instagram feed. I even found myself feeling extreme jealousy of girls who had hair meanwhile I knew it would take years for me to have my long blonde locks back.

What made it so difficult to be bald as a young woman?

The hardest challenge was that I didn't look like myself. The Mags that everyone knew had long blonde hair and that’s how I had looked my whole life.

The next difficulty what that this would be the first indication that I was sick. Before losing my hair, although I had cancer, there was not a single indication of it in terms of my appearance. Once I was bald, I felt like I got a big “cancer patient” stamp on my forehead…

Knowing what I know now, those who battle cancer are some of the strongest and most badass people out there. The amount of emotional and physical strength that it takes to tackle such a hard diagnosis is immeasurable. I realize that a HUGE part of the stigma around losing hair due to chemotherapy has to do with society’s image of “the poor sick cancer patient.”

That is why, for the longest time, I hid… 

I hid under a wig and lots of makeup. There was nothing more that I hated than to be looked at with pity. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I figured that if I made it look as though I was healthy, that’s how people would treat me.

Even beyond a cancer diagnosis, in society, women who are bald are looked at differently. They are either given some sort of label right away or society thinks “something must be wrong.” (Of course, I am not speaking for everybody here). But I do think that this is a large part of the reason why most women experience so much trauma when they lose their hair due to chemotherapy.

When you see a bald man, do you even think twice about why he’s bald? Nope.

When you see a bald woman, do you have the same reaction? In most cases, no.

This is definitely not to say that men who face hair loss do not experience the same feelings of sadness and difficulty. I think hair loss for anyone at any age is very heartbreaking.

Based on my personal experience, one of my biggest hesitations with going out in public without a wig or a hat on was random people asking me what’s wrong. Some people would stare, others would look away, and then there were the few who would approach me to ask why I had short hair.

I remember when I decided to stop wearing my wig to work. The majority of the people that worked on the same floor that I did actually had no idea that I had had cancer. Those who I worked with closely knew, but the remainder of people from different departments just assumed I had been away for a few months. Furthermore, the wig that I wore to work was actually almost identical to my hair before losing it.

I will never forget the day I decided that I was over wearing an uncomfortable itchy wig for 8 hours straight. I styled my short buzz cut and bravely walked into the office.

Side note: I made a YouTube video about all of the baby steps I took to help me ditch the wig.

The first time you go out in public without your wig is a BIG DEAL to most women!

Ditching the wig was much harder than I thought that it would be. When I was going through treatment, I told myself that as soon as I had enough hair to cover my entire scalp, I was done with the wig. But that’s not how it went. In reality, it took me about 6 months before I felt comfortable going out without my wig. Remember, there is no timeline for when you should stop wearing your wig! It was so easy for me to film a YouTube video without hair and to post pictures on Instagram, but going out in public was a completely different ballgame for me. It was also much easier for me to go wig-less around strangers than it was around people I knew. 

Anyway, back to my story. When I walked into the office that morning, all of my close coworkers flooded me with positive messages and compliments on my hair, which made me feel so empowered and happy with my decision!

What I didn’t expect was all of the other people on my floor who would approach me in the hallway or in the lunchroom to ask me why I had suddenly cut off all my hair overnight and ask me why I made such a bold decision. 

Although I understand that people may be curious as to what the heck was going on on top of my head…at the end of the day, I don’t think that it should be something to question. What if I just felt like it? What if I wanted a change? What if I didn’t want to talk about it?

With that being said, I think that if the idea that a woman can be bald or have short hair was more normalized in society, many women going through cancer treatment would feel a lot less negative and self-conscious rocking the bald head. On top of the hundreds of worries that cancer patients face, covering up their head should not have to be one of them.

Now, in true Mags fashion, I like to always keep it positive and light-hearted, so here are some positives to being bald:

• The time you spend getting ready in the morning or getting ready to go out is pretty much cut in half (which means you get to procrastinate a little bit longer)

• You save a ton of money on conditioners and other hair products!

• Showers are also a lot faster

• Until those baby hairs start growing back, you don’t have any bed head

• You get to see all the cute little moles you have on your scalp (I thought that was fun since you don’t expect to have moles there!)

• Once your hair begins to grow back, you get to experience every single stage of hair growth! Not all stages of hair growth are fun (most are awkward hahaha) but still something cool that not many can say they’ve done ;)

Now, here are some interesting things I noticed from being bald:

• Sweating is a funny thing. When you have hair, you don’t realize how much your hair actually absorbs sweat. Once you no longer have hair, when your scalp sweats, the sweat runs down your scalp and onto your face hahaha.

• It can be tricky to figure out where to stop your foundation when applying makeup. Like where does your forehead really end??

• The skin on your scalp is very sensitive! Especially if it’s been protected by hair all its life. I found that my scalp would get very cold at night and I would sleep with a beanie most nights.

• Scalps can get sunburns as well so remember to either apply sunscreen on your scalp or wear a hat.

Once again, please remember that your hair does not define your worth. You are so much more than your hair! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE SEXY, YOU ARE A BADASS, AND YOU ARE SO STRONG!

Lastly, here is the vlog I made about my hair loss – the day I started experiencing hair loss, the days leading up to the big chop, and the day I shaved my hair off:

Know yourself, know your body & until next time!

Mags

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