Mindset shifts for jealousy and comparison

After experiencing jealousy and comparison at several points in my life, I realized that these feelings were getting me nowhere positive. Here are a few mindset shifts I made to help with jealousy and comparison.

4 min read

August 18, 2021

Learning to feel comfortable in your own skin is challenging. In fact, I truly believe that it is a constant work in progress for everyone.

When we add feelings of jealousy and comparison on top of that, it can sometimes feel like we are taking a few steps back in our self-love journey.

I struggled with this feeling a lot when I was growing up and again when I was in the process of growing my hair out after losing it two years ago.

As a young girl growing up right as social media began to gain traction, comparison was everywhere. Not only were we now comparing ourselves to others at school, but we had the entire internet to compare ourselves too.

Then, after losing my hair at the peak of my young adult years, I had a hard time feeling like myself with short hair, and that definitely made me feel less confident. I would see pictures of girls with long beautiful hair and feel very envious of them. I would think to myself, “they don’t even realize how lucky they are to have such beautiful hair and never have to go through the pain of losing it.”

Through my health struggles, I experienced a lot of changes, many of them relating to my physical appearance. Suddenly, I was comparing myself to other girls almost daily… until realized that it was getting me absolutely nowhere…

I recently came across a quote that I really resonated with: “Comparison is the thief of joy”

This quote is very true. Although these feelings of jealousy and comparison are natural, they also have a way of diminishing the gratitude that we have for our own lives.

We can blame social media and photo editing for lots of things that are wrong with today’s world, and although they do play a big role in this, the truth is that we can feel these negative emotions in any situation in life.

Social media jealousy

Social media and online trends, such as the recent “That Girl” trend, make it very easy to compare ourselves to others. Most times, we are comparing ourselves to strangers online who we don’t ACTUALLY know, we just know the “online” versions of them.

What is the “That Girl” trend? A trend that has taken over all major social media platforms (Tik Tok, Instagram, YouTube) in which girls show off their “aesthetic” lifestyle, often depicting a perfectly balanced routine.

As with everything, there are two sides to this trend. Its popularity initially grew because it was considered to be a motivating and inspiring trend, but some are now saying that a trend like this can be toxic and show an unattainable reality, especially for younger generations.

Jealousy outside of social media

Did you grow up with your parents comparing you to your friends or comparing you to their friends’ children?

This is something that many of us experienced at a very young age and without even realizing it, we develop a competitive nature with those whom we are compared to. That competitive nature can also create feelings of jealousy or envy.

As we grow up, these tendencies stick with us and we subconsciously hold on to those habits.

This goes along with the bad habit of “one-upping” one another. We are all on different paths in life. There will always be someone who “has it better than you” in your eyes, but that doesn’t mean that we spend our time in a negative mindset. When you’re feeling jealous or like you are comparing your life to someone else’s, this is the perfect time for you to practice gratitude.

What do you have in your life that you are grateful for?

How can you take these feelings and transform them into something positive?

Here are a few ways that I have personally changed my mindset:

1. Realize that social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives! People literally choose what they want to show online and what they do not. Some people choose to show it all; meanwhile, others choose to only show the best parts of their life.

2. Get in the habit of catching yourself. Any mindset shift, or any shift in life, requires baby steps in order to make it both achievable and maintainable. The first baby step to take when changing your mindset around jealousy is to catch yourself and be fully aware when you feel those emotions.

3. Accept those feelings! Jealousy and comparison are feelings that are normal and we all experience them, but they do not need to impact you negatively any longer. Use those emotions as positive fuel rather than as a negative energy. There is a reason that you are feeling this way. Does that person have something that you want? Are they living in a way that you would like to live? Instead of feeling negatively toward that person, identify what it is that you want and how you too can have that one day. When I feel jealous, I ask myself why? What triggered that feeling? Then I try to think about how I too can have that in my life.

For example, when I was jealous of girls who had long hair, I remembered that my hair is growing every day. I would look back on pictures of my hair growth journey and be reminded of how much it had grown in a few short months. This is also what motivated me to do my own research into hair growth. (Interested in what I learned? Here are My 7 Best Tips For Hair Growth)

4. Change the way you perceive the situation and change your dialogue (aka avoid negative talk!) Talking badly about someone will not benefit you in any way and is a bad habit to have. Instead of thinking “I’m jealous,” get in the habit of saying “Good for them” or “I’m happy for them.” Adding a positive phrase to the situation, as opposed to a negative one, will subconsciously change how your mind perceives the situation.

5. Remember that nobody’s life is perfect and if they claim that it is, they’re lying! Everyone has their problems in life and messy sides to their life.

The truth is, being envious of someone is a negative feeling and it does not help you move forward. Turning those feelings into fuel to fire your own desires to have that lifestyle or to have those things WILL help you move forward! You need to realize that everything you are jealous of is attainable for you too – you just need to put in the work.

Here is a video I made unpacking the “That Girl” trend and how to change your mindset around trends that create feelings of jealousy and comparison: